How to Pronounce “Ghoti” (Or Why You Can’t Sound Out Words)

Remember those grade-school teachers who told you to “sound it out” when you were learning to read the big words?

It eventually worked out OK for Billy Madison when his word was couch, but for me? Gotta’ tell you, Mrs. Dalius, that wasn’t very helpful advice when you gave me words like drought, cough, hiccough or colonel.

So what gives with the weird spellings and pronunciations?